How to Handle a Kid Who Says "Watch Me" Non-Stop
Oct 02, 2024
Have you ever felt overwhelmed by a child who just can’t stop saying, “Watch me?” You're not alone. Dealing with kids who constantly seek attention through phrases like, “Mom, look!” can be overwhelming for parents, and it's essential to know how to respond in a way that's both loving and effective.
When our kids repeatedly demand attention, it can be exhausting and frustrating for us as parents. We're torn between giving them the attention they crave and teaching them to be independent. But constantly giving in to their demands can create a cycle of neediness, where they become overly reliant on us for validation. This can impact not only our mental health but also our child's development, as they may struggle to find their sense of self-worth.
It can also create power struggles, where our kids use attention-seeking behavior to manipulate us into getting what they want. And let's be honest, it can be downright annoying when we're in the middle of something important, and our kids just won't leave us alone!
In extreme cases, kids who constantly seek attention can become overly dramatic or even aggressive when they don't get what they want. They may throw tantrums, refuse to listen, or even lash out at us or others. And as parents, we're left feeling helpless and unsure of how to respond. It's like walking on eggshells, never knowing when our kids will next demand attention and create a scene. This can be emotionally draining and affect our relationships with our kids, making it harder to connect with them on a deeper level.
Do not worry; there are steps you can take to shape attention-seeking into more appropriate behavior and make you feel markedly better about your parent-child dynamic. I will walk you through these steps using my 5 C’s parenting framework.
Choices & Checkpoints
First, let’s look at this from a developmental checkpoints perspective. Attention-seeking behavior is a normal part of childhood development. Kids are wired to seek attention and affection from their caregivers, and it's our job as parents to provide that in a way that's healthy and balanced. The key is to find a balance between giving our kids the attention they need and teaching them to be independent and self-sufficient.
It’s also important to keep in mind that kids are by nature egocentric. Psychologist Jean Piaget is famously known for outlining stages of child development and noting that children see everything from their own point of view. They do not fully develop the cognitive ability to take the perspective of others until at least early elementary school. A classic example would be a child sitting right in front of another child, blocking their view of the television - not to be rude but because they simply cannot see from the other child’s perspective to understand that they have blocked their view. Click here for a recent post covering stage theories of development.
When applied to the “Watch me” scenario, it’s important for parents to keep in mind that their child’s developing brain cannot appreciate how overwhelming their constant pleas for attention can feel. That is why parents need to step into a teaching role, gently and patiently guiding their children to develop an understanding that the behavior is unwanted and teaching a more desirable way to behave.
Another key insight that has proven successful in managing a child's need for attention is to give them choices. When our kids demand attention, we can say, "Do you want to play with blocks or draw a picture?" or “Are you going to color that section blue or red?” This gives them a sense of control and agency while teaching them to make decisions and think critically. It's amazing how much of a difference this can make as our kids learn to navigate their needs and desires without constantly seeking our input.
Communication
It can feel overwhelming for parents to be constantly bombarded with, “Mom, watch this. Watch this, Mommmmmmm.” There may be times when you’re tempted to respond with “Not now” or “Give me a break,” but there are more effective communication strategies that can help to curb this attention-seeking behavior that will help you out more in the long run.
First, try verbally acknowledging when you’re looking at them, like, “Oh yes, I am looking. I see that neat thing you’re doing. Thanks for showing me,” to emphasize how much you do watch them (which I’m sure is a lot!). This will help your child appreciate the time you spend attending to them.
Second, try stating how much you enjoy seeing her artwork/projects/dance/etc., and mention that she should also take pride in those things for herself even when you’re not looking. Ask them what aspects they are most proud of, which areas they might work on next, and how they felt during the project. This will help them learn to seek validation internally rather than focusing on external validation from you. This is an essential step in developing independence and self-worth.
Third, give your child goals to work toward, like, “Please let me know when the tower gets this high” or “When you put the finishing touches on that drawing.” While they may not have a full grasp of time yet to appreciate the social nuances of only asking you to look every five minutes, for example, your child can start to space out their requests by using these types of quantitative milestones. One parent I’ve coached used this tip with her daughter, who sought praise after every puzzle piece was completed, and it made a huge difference in her parent-child dynamic.
Finally, during times when you can’t look, try saying, “I’d love to see that, but I just need one minute to finish up this task. Can you keep practicing/building/etc. so it’s super amazing when I come look in one minute?” Keep the wait time as short as possible in the beginning. As they develop some patience, you can extend the time to help their patience grow further. This process may take time, but one day, you can postpone looking for lengthy stretches, such as while you cook dinner.
Consistency
It goes without saying that parents managing a “look at me” child should be sure they are consistently giving their child lots of attention. However, parents facing this dilemma often report that regardless of providing loads of attention, their child still constantly craves more.
We can encourage independent play by consistently providing our kids with engaging toys and activities that promote creativity and imagination. This can be as simple as building a fort, doing a craft project, or playing with playdough. By doing so, we're teaching our kids that they don't need us to have fun and that they're capable of entertaining themselves. Your role may be to provide supplies and perhaps have a list of fun independent play activities written down with descriptive pictures.
When your child does need attention, you can give it to them in short, focused bursts rather than letting them dictate the pace of our interaction. This helps our kids feel seen and heard while maintaining our sense of autonomy and control.
Consequences
By consequences, I mean how the world reacts to your child’s behavior, with you being front and center in their world. One effective strategy is to use positive reinforcement. When our kids exhibit good behavior, such as playing independently or using their manners, we should praise and reward them. This can be as simple as giving them a high-five or a sticker or as elaborate as planning a special outing or treat. By doing so, we're teaching our kids that they don't need to resort to attention-seeking behavior to get what they want.
Check Yourself
One aspect of this step is having parents do some self-reflection to see what family dynamics might be contributing to the situation. For example, are you a working parent, have you recently welcomed a new baby, or do you have many kids to attend to? Perhaps your partner has been traveling a lot lately? These factors may make it challenging for your child to feel like they get enough of your attention. That doesn’t mean you must stop working or hire a babysitter to tend to your newborn. It just means you may have to be incredibly intentional about helping your struggling child feel like they get enough attention. Maybe that looks like a daily one-on-one session, even for just 15 minutes. Or perhaps a weekly Parent-Child Date. The key is to find a meaningful solution for your child that doesn’t overly burden your schedule, so talk to them and find out what would make them feel special.
While each of the tips discussed in this post will help you to gently guide your child toward more appropriate behavior, it’s important to remember that when you feel too overwhelmed or irritated by attention-seeking behavior, as long as your child is in a safe space, it’s always ok to say, “I need some space. Can you go play on your own for a bit?" It’s much better for you to choose to exit the situation than to lose your temper. This also helps our kids understand that they can't always have our undivided attention and that it's okay to entertain themselves. Pro tip: For kids who can’t yet tell time, if you have a countdown timer or hourglass that can help them visualize the passing of time, you’re more likely to be able to take a break without interruption.
The Amazing Parents Club
If you like using the 5 C’s parenting framework to tackle challenges like attention-seeking kids, you’ll love the Amazing Parents Club. It’s my membership for parents seeking to get intentional and gain confidence by learning how to approach parenting using the 5 C’s framework. It’s like having me sitting on your shoulder, whispering gentle reminders during your trickiest parenting situations. The Amazing Parents Club offers access to all my online courses, including my signature course called Better Behavior Blueprint, twice monthly live Q&As with me personally, quarterly workshops where we take a deeper dive on applying psychology-backed parenting strategies, and a supportive and nonjudgmental community of parents just like you! Take a look and consider joining us in the Amazing Parents Club. We’d love to have you there.
Take-Home Message
Ultimately, it's all about finding that balance between attention and independence. By using positive reinforcement, setting boundaries, and encouraging independent play, we can teach our kids to be confident, self-sufficient, and respectful of our own needs. And when we do need to give them attention, we can do so in a way that's loving, focused, and mindful. Keep up the good work on your amazing parenting journey!
