Why Consistency Is Essential In Preventing Tantrums And Meltdowns
Jul 23, 2024
Everyone’s heard of the terrible twos, and many parents have experienced toddlers’ turbulent nature, from out-of-the-blue fits over buckling seatbelts to kicking and screaming for what seems like no reason at all. You’ll be relieved to hear that tantrums and meltdowns don’t have to cause chaos in your family. There are straightforward tips I can teach you to use consistency to prevent tantrums and better manage your child’s behavior and emotions.
Consistency is a key component of my 5 C’s parenting framework, which outlines behavioral psychology strategies for helping you parent with confidence and loving structure. Consistency is all about setting you up for success and paving the way for better behavior.
First, what causes poor behavior? For kids (and adults), there are five nemeses of good behavior: Fatigue, hunger, thirst, heat, and pain. How grumpy do you feel when you’re tired, hungry, thirsty, hot, or in pain? Your child’s brain is not fully developed; they’re still working on building empathy, communication skills, inhibition, and self-regulation, so it’s even harder for them to stay pleasant when they’re feeling these things. The amazing news is that most of these nemeses can be prevented much of the time.
Fatigue
Establishing a consistent bedtime routine is a lifesaver for parents managing daytime tantrums. Kids who are well-rested are significantly better-behaved than tired kids. Test it out with your own kids. If they’re already on a very consistent sleep schedule (which, by the way, is great - well done), and an event pops up that keeps them up later than usual, keep an eye on their behavior the next day and especially the day after that. Sleep deprivation can sometimes have an immediate energetic effect with the emotional dip following the next day. If your kids are stocked up on solid sleep, it might take a few nights of less sleep than usual to see these effects.
We recently went on a family camping trip, and some big travel days caused us to arrive at the campsites late and get my youngest to bed later than usual. After a few days of late nights, we started to see an increase in whining, impatience, and sensitive mood.
Sometimes you need to go with the flow (like on an epic family road trip) and relax a little on bedtimes, but when you’re at home, I highly recommend establishing a consistent bedtime (which for young children may be as early as 7 pm) and a consistent bedtime routine. The bedtime routine is a series of nighttime rituals that cue your child that it is time for sleep, like brushing teeth, reading a story, and having a final snuggle for the day. Click on the Sleep category on the right side of your screen for more guidance on raising great sleepers.
If bedtimes have not been early and consistent for your child, don’t worry; it’s never too late to start. Commit to a plan, set a start date when you don’t have any travel or guests coming up, and make it happen. You will be amazed by how much better your child’s daytime behavior becomes. The less consistent bedtime has been in the past, the longer it may take for them to get caught up on sleep and really start to see those effects, so be patient and give it a few days to weeks.
Now, how about naps? The same goes for naps: Consistently napping during the day markedly improves behavior. However, I absolutely understand that naps are:
a) Tricky to understand. As soon as you have the 3 naps/day schedule down, they transition to 2 naps, and it keeps going until they completely drop naps and rarely fall asleep in the car.
b) Are complicated by siblings. I was so scheduled with my first child’s naps, but by my fourth, it was just accepted that most of his naps would be in the car or the carrier, and we’d try to get one good nap in his crib at home. If you’re struggling with juggling siblings and naps, don’t stress too much over that; just focus on nighttime sleep and do the best you can during the day.
Hunger
Hunger is probably the easiest of all the nemeses of good behavior to avoid using consistency. Kids need to eat, and they need to eat far more often than adults. Plan on breakfast first thing in the morning. Never leave home without a snack. Carry a granola bar (or whatever snack your kids like) in your purse at all times. If that’s hard for you to remember, put a box of granola bars on the entry bench by your front door or in your shoe closet to get you trained to always grab one on the way out the door.
If your kids are hungry after school, they don’t have to wait for you to get home to have food. Keep a bin with food options in the back of your car. This phase will not last forever. By the time they get to upper elementary school, they’ll be starting to phase out snacks and be able to wait ten minutes to get home. These are easy parenting hacks that you can use in the younger years to prevent meltdowns and tantrums, and that’s really every parent’s goal, right?
Parents often worry about late afternoon snacks ruining their child’s appetite for dinner. Here’s a pro tip: Set a time after which all snacks need to be fruits or vegetables. If you usually eat at 6 pm, then announce at 4 pm that it’s the Last Call for Snacks, and anybody hungry after 4:30 pm is welcome to eat, but only fruits or vegetables will be allowed. That way, they’re loading up on the healthy things you would worry about them not eating at dinner due to a late snack, and they’re likely to still be hungry at dinner time to eat the meal you’ve prepared.
Thirst
It’s the same concept with thirst. I used to have a purse that perfectly fit four water bottles and four granola bars, plus other essentials like my keys and phone, so we never got to the park and had a meltdown over the broken water fountain. Keep spare water bottles in your car for very hot days. It takes extra planning on your part, but if you can consistently minimize the thirst nemesis, you’ll consistently minimize tantrums.
Heat and Pain
Are you surprised to hear that psychology research has repeatedly shown a connection between heat, irritability, and aggression? It’s true, affecting behaviors from your toddler’s outbursts to violent crimes and even riots. You’ve probably had an injury or even a bad headache that gave you first-hand experience with how pain can make people irritable.
The heat and pain nemeses are a bit more specific to your climate and your child’s health, but the concepts remain the same: Acknowledge the impact these factors have on your child’s behavior, plan ahead to prevent them as much as possible, intervene in response to them as much as possible, and have some empathy because nobody likes falling prey to these nemeses of good behavior. Kids are more susceptible to their effects, but the more we use consistency, the less out of control they get.
Bonus 5 Nemeses of Good Behavior Tip
Another way to use the five nemeses of good behavior is as a quick checklist when your child’s behavior is off and you’re just not sure why. If your child’s behavior is atypical one day, use that as a clue that a little research might be warranted. For example, long ago, one of my kids was having trouble settling down in the evenings, and it took a while to figure this out, but when we ran through the five nemeses, we realized that she was tired. That didn’t really make sense at first because she was fighting bedtime, which made it seem like she was not tired, but what was happening was she was falling asleep for a catnap in the car in the late afternoons, so she had extra energy at bedtime. We moved her bedtime up just 15-30 minutes so she was better rested at night and didn’t fall asleep in the car, and miraculously, bedtimes were smooth sailing again. Sometimes, it takes some patient problem-solving, but behavior changes are often a clue that something is up with the five nemeses.
Take-Home Message
You now know 5 common factors influencing poor behavior and how to prevent them. The key is consistently addressing your child’s fatigue, hunger, thirst, temperature, and health. We all want our kids to be happy, and our role as parents is much easier when they are, so it’s worth the time to add a little more consistency into your parenting practice. Think about one thing you can do this week to consistently prevent the 5 nemeses of good behavior!
The five nemeses fall under the Consistency category of my 5 C’s parenting framework (click here to learn more about The 5 C’s). To view more posts in this category, use the category search menu on the right of your screen. Thanks for joining me to fill your parenting toolbox with psychology-based tools to feel more confident and capable in your parenting. Keep up the good work on your amazing parenting journey!
P.S. For more ways to improve your child’s behavior, check out my free guide, 5 Must-Have Tips for Better Behavior Today. You’ll learn more essential strategies you can stat using today to markedly improve your child’s behavior.
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